An Arrest in Neo Tokyo-3
by RPGZero
Summary: Well, i've done the justice system in Chapter 1, but now i'm wondering what an actual police force situation would be like in Tokyo-3 . . .


Untitled 

Copyright Notice: I don't own Neon Genesis Evangelion or any related characters, GAINAX does. 

I was curious on what the justice system . . . no, let me rephrase that. I was curious how terribly messed up the justice system is in Tokyo-3 due to everything that's happened since Second Impact. So, I created a police report using a Tokyo-3 cop with my name as a character. It's written up like a police report and uses the basis of an older Chrono Trigger fanfic. This is my first shot an Eva humor fanfic so please don't flame me. 

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BEGIN POLICE RECORD 

Neo Tokyo-3 2016 

Record of Arrest on February 3rd, 2016 

Description: Three teenage vandals, a paranoid "knight", and a five-year-old girl along with a robot belonging to Nerv trespassed on property of Tokyo Manor after dark. Authorities arrested the group with little resistance. Case went to court the following week, on February 10th, 2016. Sentence of one-month solitary confinement was declared. Mr. Ikari, Ms. Ayanami, and Ms. Soryu were all released on bail paid for by Major Katsuragi. 

Arrest Made By: Captain Steven Ramdas 

Past Criminal Records: 

Shinji Ikari - No record on file. 

Rei Ayanami - No record on file, though currently being questioned for selling dope by the ounces. 

Asuka Soryu Langley - Record on file for November 21st, 2015, for trying to bribe a police officer in letting her continue her joyride in Major Katsuragi's car. 

Sierra Kehack - No record on file. 

Gyunei Hick-Harold (We think) - Record on file for August 1st, 2011, for breaking out of his paranoid institution. 

Mini-Eva-02 - No record on file . . . it's a miniature version of Unit 01 created by Nerv. 

Transcription of Incident 

Arresting officer arrived at scene at approximately three in the morning. Draws his weapon on site 

"Tokyo-3 Police! Freeze!" 

Arresting officer approached startled vandals. 

"All right, you're all under arrest." 

Suspects were all spread against the wall. Ms. Soryu began to scream out in an unknown dialect so she was kindly asked to speak in Japanese - mistake on our part. She then claimed that Sierra's cat trespassed onto the property, and were using their Mini Unit 02 to find the cat. Ms. Soryu claimed to have no intention of robbing the Manor and they had nothing to do with Gyunei. 

`Damn she's hot,' I thought. 

"Baka policeman! Because of you I dropped my Yuna Earring!" 

"Yuna earring? Where?! I can sell it on E-bay for 1,000 dollars!" 

I looked back up at the vandal. 

"And you're supposed to be a policeman?" 

`Where's backup when you need it. Hmm . . . better do the usual thing.' 

"You are under arrest for attempting to enter forbidden property. You are also charged with bearing an unlicensed and dangerous sword, and for not having a permit for bearing antiques." Gyunei was successfully unarmed of all weaponry. 

"Mine sword is not an antiquity!" Gyunei claimed. 

"Yeah, sure, and you're not a paranoid thief. You are also charged with having an unlicensed robot in your possession. I'm pretty sure that's against the law, or at least is should be by the time this case comes to trial." 

Ms. Soryu continued to claim they had nothing to do with Gyunei and was unsure where he had come from. Mr. Ikari then declared that he was only making out with Ms. Ayanami behind a tree. That's the usual excuse. Five-year-old Sierra now came up to me. "B-But sir, I lost my kitty and Asuka was helping me find it. I miss my kitty, I miss it ever so much." 

I looked down at the innocent looking girl and spoke, in an attempt to quickly shut her up. "You're cat's missing? Life's a bitch, huh? Everything goes fine until you're kept outside of headquarters, can only watch the cute computer typist named Maya from afar, your mother becomes a drunk, or a murderous clown show up. The only way out is to try to rob the Yebisu factory and hope you got shot by a cop. Yep. That's the only way out and I can't do it myself because I'm a cop. If you don't do that life is just going to go on and on and on full of hell of a lot more disappointments. 

The girl stared at the officer in fear. 

"Now then, you are under arrest. Your rights are as follows: You have the right to remain silent, unless you're Rei Ayanami, then you'd be lacking much of a choise. You have the right to speak, except for that paranoid knight, because 1) he's paranoid, and 2) his dialect really bugs me. You have the right to a defense, and you have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford our lawyer at the station, Pierre, he will be hired for you by the state anyway, because Pierre is the only lawyer on the left on the planet due to every other lawyer being killed during Second Impact. You have the right to a `fair' trial in which anything you said or didn't say will be misquoted and used against you. Similarly, you are invited to have your flimsy defense case shattered by the inaccurate stories of heavily bribed witnesses. You are within your rights to be loathed by the peanut gallery, merely for the fact that the only way they get to observe an execution is if you lose your case. Despite overwhelming odds, you still have the right to a fairly competent jury, except for the one member who votes guilty at every trial regardless of the evidence. You also have the right to a court case that doesn't center around if the incident even happened, but around the basis that you are or are not the sort of character who might do this sort of thing - sort of the world's way of punishing you for those minor wrongs you did and those minor rights you didn't. You have the right for the verdict and the sentence, whatever may be declared, to be misread by Commander Gendou Ikari to fit his own demented purposes. You have the right to incompetent guards, who are perfectly capable of knocking unconscious a healthy teenager with one blow but will reliably fall for the oldest trick in the book and are incapable of striking you down once you are armed. In a related right, you have the benefit of being disarmed at your trial and booking, but your weapons will be returned upon placement in your cell, and the guards will not have the benefit of knowing, You have the right to incapable security forces, and are invited to take advantage of them. You have the right to senseless brutality by guards and staff members alike. Have I missed anything?" 

Final comment drew blank stares from suspects. 

"Well then, you're all coming with me." 

END TRANSCRIPT. 

RECORD OF ARREST PRINTED BY: Captain Steven Ramdas 

AUTHENTICATED BY: Commander Gendou Ikari 

END RECORD 

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